Inherited wealth and a life of CONTENTMENT NEED not be mutually exclusive
Being the recipient of a significant inheritance and the regular income that comes with it can, for many, be both a blessing and a burden. While you might be far less likely to fret over monthly finances, the burning question for many in this position is: How will I fill my days, lead an achievement-driven and fulfilling life, while maintaining a sense of self and earning the respect of my peers?
The stress can be profound
For some of my clients, the instinct may be to play down or make efforts to conceal their means – perhaps even by living far below those means – in order to give the appearance of being financially on par with peers. Others feel shame and guilt over their station and can’t move past it enough to become what they feel are dynamic contributors to society.
There are also the pressures and responsibilities of preserving inherited wealth for future generations. What if I lack the financial savvy, nerve or organizational skills to undertake such a role? And should our net worth decline, will my family members judge me harshly? Even if it’s caused by events beyond my control, such as a recession or some seismic shift in the business world?
Wanting to do right
Many of these clients sit down with me and express their feelings of disconnectedness, the weight of high expectations, and the lack of a grounded state which they can comfortably and productively inhabit each day. The majority of clients I see have an especially strong moral compass – a sense that with great wealth comes great responsibility – and may feel ill-equipped to shoulder it all.
Some carry guilt for never experiencing distinct need. Others fear losing their community of friends and colleagues should those people find out. Many suffer a gnawing sense of being rudderless and emotionally neutral. They yearn to have something to strive toward, but might find that volunteering or donating to worthy causes isn’t quite cutting it.
So what to do?
It can be seen as therapeutic prevention. It’s the act (and art) of preparing yourself to cope with an inheritance before or after the fact through some early work with a financial therapist. In my practice we’ll often start with a “what if?” scenario: How would you feel if it all disappeared and you were suddenly at the same level of others? We’ll explore mindsets rooted in guilt and shame. We often find their inner critic is working overtime, even when they would never judge others so harshly. In such cases we aim to uncover what’s behind it. Possession of that insight lights the pathway to eventual self-realization.
Growth here is rooted in making one’s identity work for them in service of a just cause, in fashioning the person, and persona, they wish themselves to be. It’s in deciding to create your own persona and then building the life around it that challenges and satisfies, while building character, wisdom and credibility (of the street and professional varieties).
Building from the ground up
Getting to the root of ourselves enables the exchanging of exhausting, self-limiting patterns of thought to a new and evolving self-image. That could manifest in a philanthropic way or as an unique entrepreneurial venture. It’s a matter of identifying the existing ways purpose is already playing out well, then aligning persona, interests and means to effect change viably and satisfactorily.
A powerful reason to get out of bed
Several clients have expressed relief at the realization that they didn’t have to become a different person to become self-empowered. That rather than becoming some celebrated public figure, just living a day to day life out of the limelight was more than sufficient to ground them, enabling happiness and the all-important effort and reward cycle to enter their lives.
For all of us, affluent or not, replacing guilt, shame and isolation with fulfilling connections to mission, friends, co-workers, peers, and even adversaries lets us blaze a path to a true sense of purpose in the day to day.
It is where the true gold lies.